United Kingdom

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Map showing the countries, major cities, and waterways of the British Isles

The United Kingdom, commonly known as Britainland and/or Greater Albion is a sovereign state in continental Europe. Lying off the north-western coast of the country of Europea, it includes many geopolitical areas, some of which are only loosely defined, and others where one bit seems to be simultaneously within several others. This was designed to confuse European officials trying to figure out pro-rata charges for our-share of the costs of running the banana-straightening machines in Brussels. This guide sets out to completely clarify any confusion.

The United Kingdom has an area of 93,800 square miles (17789921 metric fluid-ounces-per-baker's-furlong), making it the largest sovereign state in the world in imperial measure, and the 5th largest in metric. It is also the largest country in Europe with 'Kingdom' in its name.

The United Kingdom comprises:

  • London (alternatively; Great Britain, or Albion)
  • England (alternatively; Britain)
  • Scotchland (alternatively; British Caledonian, Hylanzan Lowlands)
  • Wales (also known as Cymru, Harlech, Snowdonia, and Kemree)
  • Northern Island
  • but not Eireland

'Great Britain' refers solely to London, because it is greater than anywhere else in the the United Kingdom, having a Queen, Madame Two-swords, 7 quid for a pint of Carling, congestion chargers, and Horrids department store. Often Londoners refer to South London as 'Greater London' because they're a bit self-aggrandising like that.

London is surrounded by the M25, a vast magical flat doughnut constructed for religious ceremonies, which is believed to ward-off unemployment, regional accents, and fresh-air. You can see Londoners at prayer every day, precessing respectfully around the M25 at a walking pace - first clockwise, then anticlockwise. It's a beautiful and uplifting sight.

England is a small island between London and Northern Island, and is also the smallest region in the island of Britain which is a super-set of London which is also known as Great Britain.