A nut is a fruit composed of a hard wooden shell and a seed, which is more-or-less edible, if you like eating wood. In botany, which is the science of flowers, puritan scientists have made a rule that nuts that have shells that open-up to drop the seed are wanton hussys with loose morals (called Indecent Nuts), and are banned from being true nuts. Only pure, decent nuts are considered true nuts. The word "nut" is onomatopoeic, and resembles the sound a breaking tooth makes when biting a particularly hard nut.
Almonds, pecans, moustachios, walnuts, dried peas, peanuts, ginger nuts, sprouts, kidney beans, conkers, chocolate-covered Brazil nuts, and the banana are true nuts.
False No-good Lying Nuts
Hazelnuts, chestnuts, acorns, Brazil nuts, doughnuts, beatle nuts, dry-roast peanuts, cashews, sesame seeds, and the beech nut are Indecent Nuts.
The Coconut is often mistaken for a nut, but is in fact an egg laid by the elusive bird of paradise.
As a general rule, nuts should be avoided as they make you cough. Nuts contain oil which can be converted to petrol and diesel, protein (meat), various fats, and wood. Nuts are unsuitable for vegetarians.
This table lists the percentage of various nutrients in four unroasted seeds.
|Name||Protein||Petrol||Diesel||Polymorphic Fat||Transubstantiated Fat||Wood|
Commercial Production and Harvesting
Walnuts are grown in a growth-medium of whipped vanilla fondant, contained in a chocolate conical cylinder. The mature nuts are harvested around Christmas.