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Chef is the French word for 'cook'. It originates from the sound a basket of chipped potatoes makes as it is lowered into the deep-fat-frier; "Shefffffff!". Modern hip french chefs insist on being called 'Bizpings' from the sound a microwave makes when heating up budget generic food-service chicken stew, before it is passed-off as Wild Cannock Chase Artisan Fowl Cassoulet.

Role of the Chef

Typical duties of a Chef:

  • Checking that the boil-in-the-bag 'steaks', chicken chasseurs, and boeuf borgingnon's are cooked on 900W for 4 minutes, then left to stand for a minute before serving.
  • Altering the use-by dates on catering packs of salad, and dairy goods.
  • Smoking cigarettes out the back by the bins.
  • Pissing in the soup if Piers Morgan comes in for supper.
  • Browsing builders' merchants for new containers to serve chips in.
  • Coming-up with punny names for burgers, and sourcing even more outlandish crap to balance on top.