Kebab shop
Ordering food in a Kebab shops is governed by the Scale of Honorifics ratified at the 17th British Kebab Shop Conference held in Widnes in January 2017.
Contents
The Kebab-shop Scale of Honorifics V1.3
- 9. Friend
- 8. Mate
- 7. Matey
- 6 Skip[per]
- 5. Boss
- 4. Chief
- 3. Bossman
- 2. Guv'nor
- 1. Emperor of the Known Universe
The proprietor will select a starting honorific based on familiarity, the social class of the customer, and how staggery they appear. If the transaction is progressing well, either party may elect to escalate the honorific, conferring additional respect and gratitude;
Initiation phase
proprietor: Allright Boss; what can I get you?
customer: Cheers Boss; large Donna with extra chili sauce please. Burp.
Negotiation phase
proprietor: Notes customer's use of please
and lack of throwing-up, despite them slurring and clinging on to the counter for dear life. Decides to escalate. Want salad on that Chief?
customer: Considers that a bit of salad may have efficacious result in stopping the room from spinning. Please, Bossman. Urrrp!
Payment Phase
proprietor: That's just £4.50 all together, Chief
customer: Notes the crispy bits of donner meat, extra onion, and lashings of chili sauce. Cheers Guv!
