Subatomic particles list
Subatomic particles are a form of mythical, made-up plankton invented by embarrassed scientists who, after decades of research since the atom was split, are still unable to tell whether the light coming through a letterbox is a particle or a wave.
Subatomic Particles are minute; half the size of a grain of sand. Every atom is about the size of a pea and is made up of a cluster of subatomic particles made to a specific recipe. The mixture gives the atom its flavour - such as Hydrogen-flavour (tasteless), Iron-flavour (metalicy), and Plutonium-flavour (fizzy).
Types of Subatomic particles
Scientists pretend there are two sorts of subatomic particles;
- Quarks - can't be seen or measured but they form the body of atoms like bubbles in an Aero Bar.
- Leptons - don't exist, but they hold Quarks together, and help lubricate quarks so they can spin round in electric motors and jiggle up-and down in speakers and headphones.
|Quark Type||Description||X-ray Embigginer Image|
|Up Quark||The Up Quark or to use its full name, the Up-itself Quark thinks it's better than all of the other quarks, and takes every opportunity to take them down an energy level or two. They can be detected around the hand-dryers in the bathrooms of night-clubs where 'D' list celebs and footballers are believed to frequent, and the dashboards of 10-year-old bottom-of-the-range BMW 3 series cars that have been de-tagged and had a cheap private registration plate fitted in the vain hope that the neighbors will think it's newer than it is.|
|Down Quark||The down quark doesn't react with other subatomic particles, often staying in its bedroom with the curtains drawn listening to Leonard Cohen and The Smiths.|
|Charm Quark||The Charm quark attracts other quarks, and even the odd Quark-curious Lepton. In any image track snapped by the ATLAS detectors, the Charm Quark is always in-shot looking photogenic with its arms round a Top Quark or two.|
|Strange Quark||The Strange Quark is not like the other Quarks, hanging about on the outer energy-bands, listening to Cradle of Filth and pretending to know all about Dark Matter, but refusing to talk about it.|
|Top Quark||Top quarks are always arranging for the other quarks to meet-up, and are always first to buy a round of quantum-foam, tell quark jokes, and known for generally being the life-and-soul of quark life. Down and Strange quarks can only react with other quarks in the presence of a Top quark, and only then after three pints of strong quantum foam. If another quark becomes disorientated, the Top quark will call a taxi, get them home, put them to bed, and will even do any unwashed dishes in the sink before returning to the party.|
|Bottom Quark||Bottom Quarks spontaneously generate in the lower intestine after a curry and three pints of larger. They are short-lived, emitting a noxious gas composed of complex hydrocarbons including benzines, a whiff of sliced ham, and eggy sprouts.|
Leptons are very shoddily constructed (they can most easily be detected around pound-shops, and the remainder bin in Maplins). 1 in 2 Leptons come with their subatomic battery inserted the wrong way round. Instead of just flipping the battery round, scientists are so bone idle that, rather than fix them, they merely refer to the broken ones as 'the neutrino version' so they can ignore them, preferring instead to spend their time perfecting redstone machines in Minecraft, playing in bands, and arranging pens in the top pocket of their white lab-coats. The word 'Neutrino' is ancient Greek for 'Error: Insert Other-Way-Up!'
Leptons are thought by scientists to have no known structure. Well, if they've never seen one, how do they know? Shittipedia.com set up a research project to create the worlds first true images of the complete Lepton family. Scientists at Rhyl University produced these images by looking at the anode of a battery with a laboratory-grade Stanley Gibbons magnifying glass.