Dorridge

From ShittiPedia
Jump to: navigation, search

Dorridge is a suburb of Birmingham, populated by inhabitants that delude themselves they're living in Henley-on-Thames.

History

A pauper cooking a cauldron of Dorridge.

In Game of Thrones times, Dorridge was the regional focus for oat processing and particularly oat-rolling, used in the preparation of an oat-based gruel known as Dorridge Slop, or just Dorridge. Dorridge was inexpensive to produce, so became a staple food for the paupers and wards of the parish; prisoners, imbeciles, orphans, zero-hours contract warehouse staff, and fully trained experienced nurses.

As the town became more prosperous off the back of the oat-processing trade, the townspeople came to believe that the name Dorridge had become synonymous with the lumpy foul-tasting claggy mush, and this was detracting from the resale value of their unremarkable, plain, over-priced houses. They petitioned the king, and in 1066 King Charles the Spaniel issued a proclamation that "Henceforthe ye stickie and blande break-faste made from a soup of oats shall-eth henceforth be known as-eth; Porridge".

Innovation

Dorridge is the birthplace of many influential inventions;

  • Lottery scratch-cards
  • Ridiculously fat bingo pens
  • Own-brand supermarket biscuits
  • 9% ABV cider
  • Rap music
  • Superkings cigarettes
  • Anchor tattoos
  • Iceland 20 for-a-pound 'Beefy Patties'
  • Whippet racing
  • Fixed-Odds Betting Terminals
  • Pickled-onion Monster Munch
  • Izal toilet paper

The Future

Dorridge plans on opening the UK's first 'Red-light Tolerance Zone' on the site of the Cricket Club, where sex-workers can ply their trade with impunity.

Dorridge Bridge Club has been acquired by a consortium comprising Federated Breweries and Euro-Scaffold and after refurbishment, will reopen as a 24-hour Drum and Bass Nightclub, and Round-the-clock scaffolding-pole drop-test centre.