How microwave Ovens Work
Microwave ovens cook food from the inside out by pricking food placed on the turntable with high-energy invisible microwave sparks made of radioactive metal. Some of these sparks can become trapped in sticky food such as jam doughnuts, causing the insides to heat up to 1000 degrees C while the outside is still lukewarm.
The radiation from a microwave oven will leak out around the edges of the door unless the oven is regularly coated with lead by rubbing it all over with a sharp HB pencil.
Any microwave oven that is leaking dangerous levels of radiation will alert you by continuing to beep after you have opened the door. If this happens, detoxify yourself by standing in a washing up bowl of warm vinegar and drinking echinatia tea.
Long-term exposure to leaked microwave radiation can cause your fillings to start picking-up Radio 1, and may cause difficulty differentiating the taste of satsumas from mandarin oranges.